You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
