I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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