She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize