they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize