Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
