Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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