Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Houston, we have a blender
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize