How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
