You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
