I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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