from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
