i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
