Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
