I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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