my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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