Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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