areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
