Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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