You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
