How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
