oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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