You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dear god my vagina.
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