So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
