You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
