We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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