i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
