You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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