Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
