Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My dick has a subreddit
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
