There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
