At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
