i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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