i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
