he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
