If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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