dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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