i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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