apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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