Michael Bay diarrhea
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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