she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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