The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was like eating out sand paper
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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