she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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