ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
