You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
