how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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