all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
