is your mom at the bar?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
