The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's blow job season.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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