Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
false alarm. still invincible.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
