You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just gargled with NyQuil
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
