I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
