ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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