I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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