Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
