why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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