i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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