I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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