I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
