I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
