yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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