Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
