So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize