matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
