My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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