You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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