remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
