Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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