So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
