I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
