tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
