If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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