She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
