if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
