Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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