"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
