On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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