he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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