Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
