He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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